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closeWednesday, Aug. 12, 2009
Girlfriend’s tattoo has ink-hating guy seeing red
Don't let a tattoo come between you and the woman you love. So says our advice guru.
Blane Bachelor
QI have a situation with my girlfriend that I need some advice with. "Jenny" and I have been dating for over three years now and will hopefully be married one day. About a month ago Jenny came home (we live together) and said, "Honey, look what I did." She proceeded to show me a huge tattoo she had put on her upper arm. I was enraged!
To begin with, I do not like tattoos, especially on girls and Jenny knows that. She thought it was funny that I was so angry. The problem is, I am still angry every time I look at it. I feel as though she should have asked me, since she knows how I feel about tattoos. She thinks I am being silly, and says it should be her decision what she does with her body. Am I being a schmuck? — Her Tattoo Has Me Ticked
ASo your girlfriend has joined the masses of gals with a tramp stamp. Tats — I mean, that’s — too bad, on a number of levels. (I have a tattoo myself, and I got it in a drunken stupor when I was 22. I obviously didn’t consider that it will go from tiny and hidden to not-so-tiny and not-so-hidden should I ever get sperminated.) In this case, your gal’s tattoo could very well start to look like some melting Dali-esque drawing once her arms begin to droop into the bat wings of older age. And sure, it kinda sucks that she didn’t discuss it with you beforehand. At least that way, she would have had an idea of the consequences of her decision, and you would have been prepared beforehand that she was even considering this.
To answer your question: Are you being a schmuck? Depends on the perspective. Yes, it’s her body, which means she can do what she wants with — or paint on — it. On the other hand, she got the tattoo knowing that her three-year boyfriend hates them. That could be considered pretty schmucky behavior, too.
Give it a few weeks to see if your anger fades. After that, if the sight of the tattoo still makes your blood boil, it’s hard to imagine that you’d be feeling any differently seeing it peeking over a sleeveless wedding dress. If you end up breaking up over this, I guess that’s what you could call (no) tit for tat.
QHow much information should be given when you first meet someone? And how long should you wait to call someone if she gives out her phone number? I have heard several rules of thumb on this — anything from two days to no longer than a week. If you have already gone out on the first date and you hit it off and you get her phone number, shouldn’t you respond fairly quickly to keep the momentum going? You don’t want to drag it out and be rude about it. Finally, where are some good places to meet women?
— Dumbfounded Over the Rules
AIt’s been awhile since I’ve answered a Dating 101 question, so I think it might be time for a little brush-up lesson.
Depends on how comfortable you feel with someone. If things are really humming along, then it’s only natural that you’d want to share a bit more than the usual topics of conversation (where you’re from, what you do for a living, some of your common interests). But please don’t use that as a license to projectile vomit every gory detail onto your date: your abandonment issues over your philandering father, your kid’s bed-wetting problem, how your Spanx are giving you a painful muffin top. Do that, and you can pretty much count on your date spooking like a nervous horse. The thrill of a new relationship is all about getting to know someone, to keep it delicious, be judicious about what — and how fast — you divulge.
Yes.
Start with an activity or event that you have an interest in, whether it’s salsa dancing or brewing your own beer or collecting rare prehistoric fossils or whatever. This is an easy jump-start, and more natural-sounding, than just randomly approaching a woman in Starbucks and fishing for a connection; i.e., "Wow, so you put sugar in your coffee, too!"
However, there’s something to be said for taking advantage of those mundane moments where a witty comment or shared laugh with a stranger can spark a conversation. The key is being open to the amazing ways we can connect without seeming desperate — truly the kiss of death when it comes to dating.
As far as specific examples of places usually swimming with estrogen, a few come to mind: cooking classes, yoga, and any Whole Foods store. Regardless of where you meet her, though, I’ve got one last word of advice: If you really, really hate tattoos, you might want to establish early on whether she has one.
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