Ask Y Me?: Guy looks for girls in a gay bar, and it works (kinda)

Posted 7:53am on Wednesday, Dec. 19, 2012

If you're a straight guy looking for a way to meet a woman, and willing to go an unconventional route, I have a suggestion for you: Try picking up girls at gay bar.

Though it may seem counterintuitive, not to mention a little sneaky, straight women who go to gay bars generally let their guard down. At a mainstream bar, the typical attractive woman has to be on constant alert against douchey guys trying to hit on her. At a gay bar, she is more likely to engage in a conversation with a guy, because she might assume he's gay, and wouldn't automatically assume the guy is hitting on her. Also, women at gay bars are usually there because it is one of few places in town that a gal can go dance the night away. If you're a straight guy and you know how to dance to house music, you could clean up.

Of course, you'd have to tell her you're not gay right away, or you're just creepy.

A friend of mine regularly employs this strategy, and it's served him well -- at least in terms of hooking up. He hasn't established anything lasting from his gay bar pick-ups (more on that later).

Awhile back, I went along to watch him in action. We hit the Rainbow Lounge in Fort Worth's gayborhood about 10 p.m. The place was packed -- a ratio of about 80 percent men to 20 percent women -- but there wasn't anyone dancing because there was a drag show going on. But my pal noticed a group of women hanging out near the bar and approached them with me as his wingman.

It was my job to distract the group and keep them engaged while he isolated the girl he was interested in. Despite my wingman training earlier this year, I didn't know what to say to the group of women. I just asked them what they did for a living and if they were having a nice time. That didn't take as long as I'd hoped. Luckily, my pal has serious game and he and the girl talked for a long time.

When I saw he was doing well, I decided to try and chat up the remaining women, but they had already closed off their little circle. That was cold.

The first thing that struck me about my pal's gay bar game is that he used the same approach he would have used at any bar. I have no way of judging whether or not the woman he hit on had let her guard down, but it certainly looked exactly how it does every other time I've seen a guy approach a woman at a bar. In other words, if you have game at a gay bar, you have game everywhere.

I imagine the reason that he's never gotten a relationship out of this strategy is twofold: I don't think he's looking for a relationship (well-laid people rarely are); and I think a women who meets a man at a gay bar would be forever suspicious of the guy. If she doesn't suspect that he's gay or bisexual, she'll certainly suspect that he's the sort of fella sleazy enough to go to a gay bar specifically to meet unsuspecting women.

Either way, my pal is not the sort of man she'll want to bring home to Dad.

As I said, it keeps working for my friend, so I guess he knows what he's talking about. And for the record, I did not attempt to pick up a woman. After a few drinks and watching the drag show at the Rainbow Lounge, I didn't really trust my eyes anymore.

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