Halloween is one of my favorite holidays for one reason: It gives women free license to allow their inner sluts to flourish. A good number of women's costumes are just some profession or trade with the word "naughty" in front of the title, like Naughty Nurse or Naughty Maid. It's as though the type of costumes that once only existed in bedroom role-playing and strip clubs have been dragged out into the open and accepted by everyone.
And I love it.
The great thing about the naughty costumes is they are accessible to women of every shape, size and color. And, despite the cool October temperatures, women feel compelled to wear next to nothing -- a fact perhaps owed to their innate competitiveness. Not every man can pull off sexy costumes. Take me for example: No one wants to see a half-naked "naughty" anemic person. Men typically don't go for sexy costumes anyway, unless they are strippers, and those are usually tear-away.
The only thing I don't like about it is that if I'm with a woman dressed in a "naughty" costume (which I never am), every guy in the room gets a premium view of her. No matter -- it's a holiday, and if gals want to flaunt their stuff, I would like to help them down that path. So here is a short list of my favorite "naughty" costumes for women.
The Naughty Nurse: It's a time-honored classic, and the subject of many role-playing fantasies for me and just about every other guy ever born.
The Naughty Nun: Nothing says come hither like a little blasphemy. The naughty nun is so taboo it's sexy.
The Naughty Zombie: I saw this one for the first time this year during the zombie crawl downtown, and I have to admit that I was caught off guard. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. It's definitely a niche naughty costume. It's the wrong kind of "flesh-hungry" for some people.
The Naughty Little Red Riding Hood: The subject of countless porno movies, this costume is a perfect pairing with a guy dressed as a wolf.
The Naughty Catwoman: I saw a couple of these over the weekend, and I'd like to send out a very special meow to the Catwoman who showed up at the Pour House with a collar and leash.
Ladies, all you have to do is wear next to nothing to impress us fellas. I looked up the prices for some of these costumes online, and they range from $25 to $50 -- perhaps because they don't require a lot of material. So it's not as though you'll have to invest a lot. And let's be honest, women spend more than that on hand lotion in the average week.
I'm normally a fan of modesty, bordering on repression, but this is a special occasion. Live it up on Halloween. Just be careful if you're dressed in a "naughty" costume and go trick-or-treating. You could give someone the wrong impression, and end up either serving time or having to explain that there's no amount of money they can offer you to get in the car with them.