Ask Yme?: Look who's laughing

Posted 11:03am on Wednesday, Oct. 03, 2012

It's about that time of the month for me to reach into the mail bag and give voice to some reader mail. As always, I got a lot of joke mail this month. But this week, the joke is on the jokesters. I'm going to turn your juvenile attempt at humor into a learning moment for all. Then again, the real joke is on anyone who takes my advice. As always, I issue the disclaimer that I am not licensed, trained or even the least bit intuitive. So take my advice with a shaker of salt.

Dear Yme,

I work with this super-hot young blond girl, and I can't stop staring at her. She's caught me a couple of times, but we're still cool. I have a girlfriend, who I also work with, so I can't let on that I'm staring at that blond girl. How can I keep ogling her without getting caught?



Dear Gregg,

I admire your dedication to ogling women. But seriously, your first mistake was dating someone you work with. Your second mistake was being creepy. But I'm here to help you, not to judge you.

It would help if I knew the layout of your office, and what her job is. The best way to get a good, long look at that blond girl is to find a pretense to be near her. If you're lucky, maybe her desk is next to the copy machine or the break room. If not, I'd make friends with the person who occupies the desk directly behind or across the hall from her. Hopefully, it's a guy and he'll understand.

If that doesn't work, go ogle your girlfriend. It sounds like she could use a little extra attention.



Dear Yme,

I've got a hot date this weekend, and I want to make sure that I have some endurance in case I get lucky. So my question to you is how many times I should masturbate before I go out on the date.



Dear Ben,

You've actually touched on (pun intended) an important issue for men: sexual anxiety. According to a Google search I just did, the vast majority of endurance and sexual performance issues are mental (age, booze and illness are also common reasons).

If you're having a hard time staying in the game, just try focusing on something else for a little while. Whatever excites you the least. Work, baseball, etc.

The important thing is that you are clearly a conscientious lover, and therefore more likely to put these problems in your rearview mirror. And if the problems persist, try masturbating three times and drinking a few beers. That should keep you in the game.



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