YMe: Mailbag delivers an avalanche of sexy spam -- and a few serious queries

Posted 10:31am on Wednesday, Aug. 22, 2012

It has been more than a month since I dipped into ye ol' mailbag, so I thought I'd see what was on your mind.

When I checked my e-mail account, I was surprised to find I had several hundred e-mails. For a moment, I thought maybe something I'd said in previous columns had really resonated. Sadly, that wasn't the case (at least it wasn't the case in terms of e-mail response).

Ever since I did that story on Internet hook-up sites, I've been getting a lot of ... interesting e-mail. I had no idea I was so desirable to women on the Web -- although I imagine the e-mails are being authored by some 400-pound dancing bear, sitting in a tiny, barren office in the Ukraine. Also, a recently deposed African prince needs me to hold on to some money for him. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal.

I did get a few legitimate questions, so that made me happy. As always, I feel obliged to issue the disclaimer that I am a lonely narcissist, whose world view has been shaped by dozens of bad relationship decisions. Follow my advice at your own peril.

Christy wants to know why her husband never wants to wine and dine her.

Dear Yme,

I love my husband and we have a great marriage, but he never wants to go out to a nice restaurant. I'm kind of a foodie, and I'd love to share a bottle of wine and a nice meal with the man I love. He only likes to go to barbecue places or the same Mexican food restaurant, and it's that or nothing. What can I do to get him to take me somewhere nice?

Signed,

Christy

Dear Christy,

This is tough one, because I don't know your husband. It could just be that he hasn't been exposed to nice restaurants and they intimidate him. Or maybe he doesn't want to spend the kind of money required to wine and dine you. It's also possible he likes the familiarity of going to the same places over and over, and really looks forward to the same old dishes.

This issue could be more complicated than just a guy who doesn't want to put on pants and eat somewhere nice.

I'm guessing that he might be a little insecure. Fancy-in-the-pantsy eateries scare people who don't like to have to worry about whether or not they are using the correct fork. It would be a good idea to ease him into the world of fine dining. Since he likes Mexican food, try an upscale Mexican place (Lanny's, Hacienda San Miguel). There are plenty of haute ranch cuisine options (Reata, The Woodshed, etc.) in Dallas-Fort Worth, too, so that would be a good option for you. Many of them serve killer barbecue.

If that doesn't work, then remind him that when he took his wedding vows, he agreed to a lifetime of doing things he doesn't want to do, and to suck it up.

Signed,

Yme

Jason's wife is having a tough time losing baby weight, and he is finding her less attractive.

Dear Yme,

My wife and I were blessed with our first child more than two years ago. I couldn't be happier with my family life, except for one thing: My wife still hasn't lost the weight that she put on during her pregnancy, and I don't find her as attractive as I used to. It's really affecting our sex life. How do I get her to drop the weight?

Signed,

Jason

Dear Jason,

That sucks all the way around, because I'm sure she's insecure about her weight, too. I think you have to be direct and sensitive. Just explain to her that you still love her and find her attractive. But don't beat around the bush (no pun intended).

It would be helpful if you could suggest some physical activities you can enjoy together. Don't ask her to do stuff she doesn't want to do.

Oh, and another thing. You'd better not be out of shape yourself. The only way she's going to take your suggestion seriously is if you're leading by example. If you ask her to lose weight while you're camped out on the couch eating pork rinds and drinking beer, then you're just a jerk.

Signed,

Yme

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