Y Me? What he said, what she said

Posted 8:44am on Wednesday, Apr. 25, 2012

A couple of weeks ago I answered a reader's question about an issue he was having with his girlfriend, who caught him checking out porn on the couple's shared computer. She even went so far as to check his browsing history. I asked for your thoughts on the subject, and you came through in a big way. As I suspected, opinions on how much porn is too much were split down gender lines.

Kevin hit the nail on the head, as far as I'm concerned.

Dear Y Me,

Any woman who has a problem with her man looking at porn is emotionally retarded. And any man who tolerates a woman snooping on his computer is an emotional infant. Everyone is entitled to the dignity of their own private space. If your partner is snooping around on your computer, your cellphone or in your mail, it's time to end it.

-- Kevin

Tamra has a conscientious objection to pornography, and is disgusted by it. She brings up some excellent points about the possible motivation of the "actors."

Dear Y Me,

I am a married female. It isn't that women think men are dirty for watching porn. We just don't think men have considered what they are supporting by watching it. Men and women's brains are different, as we all know. Women have more of an emotional connection to things or acts, per say. So, my first reaction to watching porn is not "Ooooh that makes me hot." It is, "I wonder who that girl is? She looks really young. I hope she isn't being held against her will to make this video. And, if so I don't want to encourage or fund the person that is holding her against her will by watching it!" I've also thought that woman looks like someone I know or a family member, which is a little unsettling for me. Another train of thought I've had is that most of these women are addicted to something and this is the only job that makes them enough money to support their addiction (drugs). So in that assumption I wouldn't want to watch porn in support or funding of their addiction. From a moral standpoint I believe it is wrong, but I also don't believe I hold the position to tell anyone else what they should be doing in their spare time, as I would not want someone doing that in return to me.

Basically, women tend to make decisions, after much speculation. So with much thought into this industry, I am very uncomfortable watching it. I don't think I could ever make myself comfortable watching it considering the scenarios I've explained above. I also find it interesting that other people do not think of the things I have. Sex trafficking is horrible, and the porn industry (especially Internet) might be using some of these girls. I can't help but be a little disgusted with men who support porn. Seriously, I can't help it. I've tried to understand with my husband, but I would just rather not know, because it hurts my heart. It makes me sad rather than "turned on."

-- Tamra

I agree with a lot of Tamra's points, and while I know that the performers of porn are, for the most part, not the most well-adjusted of people, that is not going to stop me from watching it. I'm not proud of that, nor am I ashamed. I, like most guys, am governed by my libido. And while I know intellectually that the water in the porno talent pool is dark and deep, I'm not really thinking clearly when I watch it.

If you'd like to weigh in on this subject, e-mail me at dating@dfw.com

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