I'm the first to admit that I have a brooding side. It doesn't surface that often or last very long, but, yeah, I can get a little moody.
As a child of the '80s and '90s, I grew up listening to dark, nihilistic music like the Cure and Nirvana, and it really spoke to me. I wasn't one of those guys who wore eyeliner or cut himself, but flannel shirts and Doc Martens figured into my wardrobe significantly.
When I get in one of my moods, I often wonder if any woman could tolerate me. Sometimes I think I need a Sylvia Plath kind of girl. So, I took to the Internet and searched the terms "Goth Singles." And I was astonished at the number of the goth-specific sites that exist. There are dozens.
I picked a few to take a closer look, and even signed up for one.
The first one I checked out was GothScene.com. Predictably, most of the women had dark-colored hair and pale skin. In their pictures, they all look fairly morose, and most are staring off into the middle distance. Apparently goth girls don't smile much.
Every profile on every dating site makes you write a "headline" about yourself. For example, on Match.com, many of them say generic things like, "Laid back girl seeks same." Or something. Some of the headlines on GothScene were hilariously goth. My favorites were, "Forget love. Loves [sic] forgotten you ...," "Love me Dead" and "I bite! I like rare blood types."
On my Match.com profile, for my hobbies, I list playing tennis, yoga and cooking. Compare that to one of the goth gals I checked out, who enjoys coffee in a cemetery at midnight, watching slasher films and bloodletting.
My next stop on the dark side was GothicMatch.com. It seemed like the most organized and came up first on my Google search, so I thought it would be fun to fill out a profile. The process is a lot like most of the other dating sites, except it asks what kind of goth you are: glam goth, punk goth, mopey goth and so on. I chose "other." I also had a tough time picking a gothy enough name. I tried to choose the name "Dire Wolf," as an homage to Game of Thrones on HBO, but that name was taken. Curiously, the name "Manimal" was taken as well.
I did a search for people in my area, and there were a surprising number of cute women -- there were also a predictable number with vampire teeth and black, sheer clothing. I was struck by some of the usernames, like "BiteMeBarbie," "VampireGirl" and "HookerWithAPenis," which I'm hoping is a reference to the Tool song and not an honest admission.
My favorite profile headline was VampireGirl's, which was all in caps, and read: "I AM SEXY RED HEADED SLUT, WHO LIKES TO DRINK BLOOD AND BE CUT. AND I ALSO LIKE TO GIVE BACK BLOOD. ANYTHING YOU WANT. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE, JUST ASK."
I passed on her.
You don't see many women like BiteMeBarbie on Match.com or JDate, but perhaps it's time I look for something different. I'll be getting goth matches sent to my inbox every day, so maybe I'll find the black rose I never realized I wanted. Heck, maybe it's time I invested in some more black clothes and skull jewelry. I already have the pale complexion to pull off the look.