Y Me?: Hello, regrets

Posted 8:19am on Wednesday, Mar. 07, 2012

For about seven or eight months, I had every single guy's dream setup: a girl I could hook up with, without any expectations of a relationship -- or even dinner, for that matter. But for me, it wasn't as easy or great as it sounds (except when it was). We developed genuine feelings for one another, but we had already made up our minds that a relationship was out of the question, for a variety of reasons. Like all good things, our fling came to an end. She is moving out of state for grad school over the summer, and she didn't want any trace of emotional baggage to take with her.

We usually got together once a week, on Sundays. She works nights and goes to school during the day, so that was the only time our schedules were compatible. I lovingly referred to her as my Sunday girlfriend. Having a consistent hookup is not something I've ever been able to pull together -- which isn't surprising considering the historically ruinous state of my love life, and crippling lack of game. However, she was special.

We met at Malone's Pub one night, and I was immediately struck at how bright, funny and adorably awkward she was (awkward in a mouse-y, smarter-than-you way). She lived in Dallas, and that didn't seem too far to travel for someone I really liked. And I really liked her.

We tried to date normally for a while, but, like I said, our schedules were just too different, and the distance was just far enough to get in the way. We also shared the same shut-in mentality, and that really made things difficult. That being said, we both felt the connection was too strong to just let our relationship go.

We alternated cities every week. We had a lot in common, and laughed a lot. I'll spare you the details on the physical part of our relationship (my mother reads this column), but we were very compatible.

While this was going on, I really had no incentive to look for a lasting relationship. Our weekly "visits" dulled the sword -- so to speak. It was also clear that we had genuine feelings for one another, but were forced by circumstances to be pragmatic. And that led to problems. Occasionally, she would lash out about the state of our relationship. She felt that I didn't take her seriously, knowing all the while that neither of us could ever truly emotionally invest in the other.

As our prolonged fling painfully unraveled, we both felt alternately sentimental, angry and disappointed. It didn't stop us from getting together every Sunday, though. And when we were together, it was great.

We both dated other people, too. Looking back on it, no one else I saw during that time ever had a chance. I'm sure I was more emotionally distant than I normally am.

A month or so ago, she told me about her plans to move for school. I was happy for her, but conflicted. I was bummed that my bottomless booty buffet was skipping town, and at the same time relieved to be dismounting the razor's edge. Our relationship was as tense as it was wonderful.

Part of me thinks I just didn't try hard enough to make it work. It's not often that you make an actual connection like that, and I let it slip through my fingers. Another part of me realizes that I overlooked some serious potential stumbling blocks, because I only saw her once a week, and I didn't want to spend our time together arguing.

It doesn't matter now. I'm just glad that she was a part of my life. I'm going to miss her. But it's time to move on.

If you have a question for me, shoot me an e-mail at dating@dfw.com, and be sure to check out my Facebook page and Twitter account.

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