As those of you who have been keeping up with my dating misadventures know, I recently had a blast from the past throw a wrench into my dating wheel. Kathryn used me as her ultimate Plan B. When one of her grand quests to find a sugar daddy would fail, she'd come scuttling back to me, like I'm some kind of emotional Tampon. She moved back into the area and wanted to reconnect. At the time, I was kind of seeing a relatively normal girl and was very optimistic about her. I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too. But I have a long history of screwing up a good thing, because I'm always looking for something better. So, glutton that I am, I asked you, the readers, how to proceed. And boy did you come through.
Kevin had a pretty typical guy response to my dilemma. He wanted me to have my cake and eat it, too.
Dear Y me,
If I were you, I'd cultivate the thing you have going with the new normal girl. But tell your ex you're seeing someone, but that you're not serious and you're both seeing other people. That is probably true, anyway. A guy is always more interesting to a woman if he's a bit of a challenge, and she knows other women want him. Make the ex your Plan B, for sure -- why kick a hot chick out of bed if she's not crazy, right? Plus, everyone really should have backup.
Susan, on the other hand, had the standard girl response, and thought I was being "stupid."
It's a stupid idea, unless she's changed, and that's not likely. You had too many "but, buts" in your column. You can't be trusted to be in a casual relationship. And she probably can't be trusted not to use you. My guess is she's gotten better at what she did that made you want her. I'm not bragging at all, but all of my exes still miss me. I still have that special something that gets them. Because being a "chameleon," as you put it, means this: People show enough of themselves to be whoever you want them to be. She probably still does that, and you're probably still an open book.
Ann had the most entertaining response -- she was downright angry with me.
I have to start by asking: Are you a glutton for punishment? Based on your column, you've definitely been abused and used quite a few times. Why would you want to go through that again? Just because "she's hot?" (You mentioned that she's hot four times.) What is it with some of you guys? You absolutely quit thinking with the head above your shoulders and digress to the one below your belt! As you mentioned, she is one-dimensional. She is a user. You have finally started to see the light and had date number two with a sweet, caring and sensitive woman -- one who is not all about herself. You've already made up your mind that you will see [the ex], and the tone of your statement makes me believe you will be her "fall back" again. You stated, "I might meet her for coffee or drinks or something." Something? Are you kidding? You might as well meet her naked. Come on, grow some balls and tell her to take a hike! She may be around for a while, but she's already pegged you as a doormat! Get a grip! Cut your losses and concentrate on the third date with the new lady. It sounds like Kathryn has been ridden hard and put away wet! Don't get sucked in again. If you slip and let her reel you back in, I hope this new lady will see you for what you are and drop you like a lead balloon! She deserves more than a weak Willy!
I guess she told me. Ann and Susan will both be relieved to hear that I did not see Kathryn again -- but not because I didn't try. I reached out to her a couple of times, and we couldn't get our schedules together. She called me last week, and I didn't answer. I think I'm finally done with her. Maybe. I am still seeing the "normal girl," but she lives kind of far away, and it's getting harder to get together. I'll keep you posted on that.