Y Me: Using Cupid as your wingman

Posted 8:33am on Wednesday, Feb. 08, 2012

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If you're like me, and I sincerely hope you're not, you'll be alone this Valentine's Day, with the blinds shut and a bottle of rot-gut gin in hand. (I recommend McCormick's, if you really want to punish yourself.) Although sitting home alone, going through pictures of your ex-girlfriends, and drinking until you pass out is a good way to spend that spiteful holiday, you could be missing a golden opportunity. Valentine's Day is a great day to hook up with someone just as sad as you are. There's nothing sexier than tears, right?

I thought I would compile a list of some places you could go to find that sort of special someone to fill the void on Valentine's Day.

The Capital Bar isn't a meat market per se, but if you're looking for a frat bro in a pastel-colored polo shirt, or a sorostitute who thinks she can drink like a man, then this might be your place. I like the Capital Bar. The patio is pretty, there's always good music, and the bartenders are fast. There are always really hot TCU-y girls there that I'd never dream of hitting on -- unless it was a holiday.

8.0: The last time I actually picked up a girl at a bar (I won't tell you how long ago that was) was at 8.0. I'm not suggesting this because the place is closing on Feb. 24, but because it's one of two places in the world where I have actually successfully hit on a girl and taken her back to my place. It's a very see-and-be-seen scene, but that will work to your advantage on Valentine's Day. Strut around like a drunken peacock and see who looks at your feathers.

The Usual is a melting pot of young, good-looking professionals and hipsters. It's like the green zone of some culture war. I find it's easy to talk to people at The Usual, because the drinks take a long time to make. So, while you're waiting patiently for your exotic, Prohibition-era cocktail, strike up a conversation. If you're hitting on a hipster, try asserting that the Pixies did more to change music than Nirvana. If it's a young professional, say something about supply chains or social media. If you're both there and dateless, it won't matter what you say. Just say something.

Lola's: One place you might not have though of, but should definitely try, is Lola's. It's easy to strike up a conversation while everyone is standing and watching a band -- though it's often difficult to hear what the other person is saying. If the conversation becomes dull, or the band is too loud to have one, just buy the object of your affection some shots. Be careful, the women who hang out at Lola's can drink you under the table. The last thing you want is to pass out before the deed is done.

I'm not suggesting that you parlay your loneliness into a night of sordid, Caligulan sex. But I'm not not suggesting that, either. If you're an adult, sometimes it's healthy to indulge your seedier impulses. And if being alone on Valentine's Day doesn't make you strap on the beer goggles and wipe something off a bar stool, maybe it's time to take up knitting and adopt a few dozen cats.

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