Everyone has a friend who is, shall we say, good with the ladies. For some who have the gift, there is an obvious reason why they rarely sleep alone. Maybe they are extremely good-looking, uncommonly charming or fabulously wealthy. My friend Kevin has none of those qualities, but he seems to score at will with the opposite sex. What he is, I've noticed firsthand, is fearless and resilient. He strongly believes that no girl is out of his league, and he doesn't let a little thing like rejection get him down.
I am the furthest thing from a player (pronounced: play-ah), and really have no desire to walk that path. But I do think there are some lessons I can learn from Kevin's scorched-earth strategy. I recently sat down with him to find out how a player plays. Here are the highlights:
Yme: What is your secret? How do you always get a girl to go home with you?
Kevin: I go to places where I know that girls go to hook up, like The Library bar or somewhere like that. I don't feel like I'm conning anyone into sleeping with me -- we're both there to have a good time.
Yme: So then how do you know who to approach?
Kevin: I don't have any particular strategy. I just see a girl that I find attractive and go talk to her. I sometimes try and talk to a group of girls, and see which one I'm clicking with.
Yme: So it's a numbers game?
Kevin: Not necessarily. There are times when I do go out with the express intent to hook up with a woman, and then, yes, I'll just keep trying until I find someone. But usually I'm just going out to party, and if I do end up sleeping with a woman, that's great. If not, I can have a good time without having sex.
Yme: What do you say to a woman when you approach her?
Kevin: I don't really have a pickup line. I think women see through that. I just offer to buy them a drink, and ask them questions about themselves. I maintain eye contact and really listen to what they are saying. I can tell almost instantly if a girl is in to me. If she's not, I move on. And she gets a free drink out of the deal. I also let a girl know that I find them attractive. I tell them directly.
Yme: On the nights when you are determined to get sticky, you have a sliding scale that you judge women by. Tell me about that.
Kevin: (laughs) Yes. It just depends on what time it is. I've been known to let my standards drop a little when it gets to be around closing time. If a girl is too drunk, I don't like that. But there are occasions when I just offer a girl a cab ride home. They almost always invite me in for a nightcap.
Yme: And you have a name for those girls, don't you?
Kevin: No comment. (He calls them practice girls, because he uses them as practice for more attractive women -- a sexual dress rehearsal).
Yme: What advice do you have for wannabe players out there?
Kevin: First of all, I don't consider myself a player. I don't lie to women, and I don't lead them on. I don't treat them like sh** or anything like that. If anything, I'm just opportunistic. I think women go to certain places, maybe not just to hook up, but they are more open to the idea at, say, a dance club. My advice is not to be cheesy. Just strike up a conversation. And don't be stingy with the drinks. And learn how to dance. Girls love a guy who isn't afraid to get out on the dance floor.
Kevin is a good friend of mine, and though I think he can be a bit sleazy, one thing I can take from him is his directness. My problem is that I'm too shy, and most girls I'm interested in have no idea that I'm actually into them. While I don't think Kevin's techniques are quite right for me, I do (in a sick way) admire his persistence. I'm still not ready to go out "hunting," but maybe it is time I learned to dance.