Q I've finally had it with this girl I've been dating on and off for about three years. She's jerked me around for far too long. And I've let her, so it's partially my fault. But I'm over it now and have FINALLY ended it for good with her. And I want my stuff back. The problem is, she still has some of my stuff. Some of my GOOD stuff -- some video games, one of my favorite jackets, a high school yearbook, assorted other belongings. And she's back to typical B.S. again. Every time I ask about getting my stuff back, she ignores me or blows me off. What the hell can I do?
-- Pissed
AI have a few ideas, but first, I can't resist some psycho-analysis. Seems to me that since you shifted the power balance in your relationship by breaking up with her, this chick is trying to regain some sense of the control that she previously enjoyed without much resistance. In other words, once you finally wrestled your sack from her grasp, she grabbed onto the next best thing -- your junk, er, your stuff.
Now, onto the action items. You've already thrown her off her game by ending things. So why not keep using the element of surprise? Just show up unannounced at her place and demand your stuff -- barge right in and take it, if need be. Or recruit a lawyer buddy to write up a legal-sounding letter full of scary sounding words like "theft" and "financial repercussions." Finally, you could use anything you might have of hers as leverage.
But there's a good chance your captive goods are just collateral breakup damage that you'll never get back. (It happens all the time, with much bigger stuff, like houses, cars and kids on the line.) So perhaps your only takeaway is this: Next time a girl starts to show signs of walking all over you, start walking yourself -- and your stuff -- out of there a lot sooner than three years.
Q I've been dating this guy for about two months now. Things are going very, very well, and I'm so excited to have finally met somebody worthy after so many years of frogs. I'm pretty sure we're exclusive because we see each other almost every night, but we haven't had "the talk" yet. We haven't slept together yet either (though we're getting really close!). What I need to know is this: My extended family is planning a really fun trip this Thanksgiving (a cruise). I've already bought my ticket but I want to invite my new guy. Is it too soon?
-- Love Boat?
AIf I had a life preserver, I'd toss it at you, because you're on the verge of drowning a good thing.
Your new guy meeting the parents is one thing -- being trapped for five days with Aunt Mildred and your Tasmanian Devil nephews on a boat in the middle of the Caribbean is entirely another. PUH-LEASE don't sink this ship by inviting him, unless you want to be the biggest turkey on Thanksgiving. Do your own thing for the holiday, let him do his and give yourselves a chance to miss each other. And when it's time to meet your family, think about settings that are casual and comfortable -- like a backyard barbecue.
And, you didn't ask about this, but I'm gonna give input on it anyway: Why not wait to sleep with him until you establish that you're exclusive? Otherwise, there could be some seriously rocky shores in store for you, should you give up the goods only to find out that you don't float his boat as much as he floats yours.