Q My new beau and I have reached a new level in our relationship, regular overnight stays. All is well, and I love being with him. I have a little problem, and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. He is always naked around the house, in the kitchen, on the couch, on the chair. There seems to be a naked man everywhere. Usually I wouldn't consider it a problem, but my house sits on a well-traveled corner, and my kitchen/living room are highly visible from the street and sidewalk. How do I approach the subject without seeming like a nagging housewife? Why do men insist on being naked all the time?
-- Nix the Nude
A 'Cause they like showing off the goods.
Humor is your friend here. As in, making a comment about the HUUUUUGE eyeful the passers-by on your street must be getting. Or tossing him a towel when he starts the Penis Parade. Or, as you settle in for some evening TV, curiously plucking a few short-'n'-curlies from the couch. Ideally, any of these tactics will spark a light convo about him trying to keep the package under wraps a little bit better.
But if not, and this starts to really chap your hide, you'll have to set firmer boundaries. It's your house, after all, and it's an issue you absolutely can address without sounding like a nagging housewife. Again, use humor: Try saying something along the lines of how guilty you'd both feel if there was a pileup on the street because of distracted drivers. And, if he insists on being nude (and you're OK with it), perhaps you can strike a compromise: He agrees to sit his bare ass not directly on the furniture but on a towel (FYI, that's the hard rule at nudist resorts. Not that I've, ahem, ever been to one.) And he helps you hang curtains.
Good for you if you're being honest when you say that, if the peep-show element wasn't a factor, you'd be cool with your guy's affinity for au naturel. Personally, I cringe when my man (who, like your dude, loves to be nekkid) just strolls past a window in his birthday suit as he's getting dressed. I'd definitely draw the line at vacuuming up pubes or seeing skid marks on the sofa.
Incidentally, when I asked my bare-it-all hubby what he thought of your letter, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "She should just get naked with him and have some fun." Hmmm. Certainly not a practical solution, but definitely something you both could enjoy.
Q Over the last year, I have gone out with a couple of guys, but none of them have worked out. During the dates, we have a great conversation and get along really well. During one of my latest dates, the guy and I had a great conversation about '80s music and other topics. At the end of the date, he was like, "We should hang out again soon, and I'll keep you updated on events I put on." A couple of days later, I asked him if he wanted to do something, and he was like, "Sure just let me know the details." I sent him the details, and I never heard back from him. About a week later, I sent him an e-mail asking if he was going to go to this picnic that a group we belonged to was having. He wrote me back saying, "I hope you are doing well and thanks for the invite, but I'm taking a social hiatus for a month." I was completely thrown by his response, and I haven't contacted him since. I understand men don't like confrontation, but why lead a girl on like that?
-- Carolina Girl
A I don't think he was doing much leading -- you were, and you were hoping he'd follow.
Let's take a closer look at the chain of events here. 1) You go on a date (not sure who did the asking, but it's irrelevant now). He makes a vague reference to hanging out again, but -- this is very important -- doesn't set up anything specific. 2) A few days later, YOU ask HIM out. He says yes. You send requested details. He doesn't respond. 3) A week later, YOU ask HIM out AGAIN. He responds with some B.S. excuse about a social hiatus.
I hope this pattern doesn't describe all your dates.
Listen, sister, this saying-one-thing-meaning-another B.S. happens so often in the dating world -- both to women and men -- that you should have spotted it when he didn't follow up after your first date. Doesn't make it right, or excuse his cowardly behavior (I mean, a "social hiatus"? I've heard of some creative ways to blow someone off, but puh-leeze. I wouldn't be surprised if you ran into him at your local watering hole's next '80s Night). But it does mean that next time you extend an invitation to someone and don't hear back, it's time to move on, stat, from someone who obviously isn't interested.