On Week 2 of Dancing With the Stars, things weren't exactly shining bright deep in the heart of Texas.
On Monday's performance show, Former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin was as fun and charming as ever; personality is definitely what carries him. But his quickstep didn't feel quick so much as sluggish. His legs and feet? Not exactly flying at his top end zone speed. (I thought maybe it was supposed to be a waltz at first.) But hey, it's a tricky dance. The judges said he improved from last week's awkward performance, but they dogged him for wagging his tongue about. We thought it was kind of cute, because it made him look like he was really concentrating -- reminded us of a schoolboy learning his ciphers. Irvin earned a 7, 7, and a 6 from the judges for a total of 20 out of 30 possible points.
As for former House Majority leader Tom "The Hammer" DeLay, we first have to say that we were ridiculously grateful we did not have to avert our eyes due to any unwelcome butt waggling. We never, ever thought we'd say this, but thank you, Mr. DeLay. (Or maybe we should thank his partner, choreographer Cheryl Burke, who's always been one of our favorites.)
Back to non-butt business. We found out during the recap that DeLay injured his foot during rehearsals, so he was working on a pre-stress fracture [insert hammertoe joke here]. He worked through the pain until the very end of his tango -- when he nearly lost his dip grip on Burke, which could've sent them both tumbling to the floor.
But up until then, DeLay again proved light on his feet, and very much the traditional, conservative (natch) dancer that Len Goodman would've loved. Unfortunately, Len wasn't there, so he got guest judge Baz Luhrmann instead. DeLay's tango neck moves were stiff, not dramatic, and at times he reminded us of an angry congressman striding through hallowed halls instead of a passionate Latin lover.
On second thought, that's a good thing. We're still recuperating from last week's ass-ault. DeLay got sixes across the board, giving him 18 out of 30.
But both survived Tuesday's elimination, and Kathy "The Jolly Pink Giant" Ireland got the hook, deservedly so.
A few other quick thoughts: we're rooting for Kelly Osbourne; there's something so endearing about her, and we're fascinated by the whole bad-girl to good-girl image transformation. We're not rooting for Donny Osmond. He's a great entertainer and a pretty darn good dancer, but last week especially, his gross displays of competitiveness made us bristle; yes, he's hard on himself, but he strikes us as a poor sport, and a poor winner. Sadly, he'll probably go far.
And finally, someone tell us: Does anyone else look at snowboarder Louie Vito (so darn adorable) and think: Breckin Meyer Jr.? Or is it just us?
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